Sweater Elegy

A couple of weeks ago I bought a quirky sweater in a cramped booth at the Fredericksburg Trade Days, which is a massive flea market offering everything from rusted yard art to antiques, and cow hides to caramelized pecans. I enjoy eccentric clothing and the sweater had qualities that appealed. It’s baggy with bat sleeves and, while the current style is to have sweaters and other sorts of tops longer in the back (big butt coverage), this sweater hangs long in the front and rides up in the back—a contrary article of clothing indeed. Also, the sweater is mixed media—in the front are inserts of colorful netting, and the fabric is composed of two different entities, mohair and soft wool, which combine to offer an interesting texture while at the same time making it cuddly. 

The woman who sold it to me told me I had a good eye for the unusual. Her flattery didn’t impress me. I’ve dealt with the Romani before and I know one when I see one. She did, however, say something that grabbed my attention: “This is a truly unique sweater, one of a kind, and it’s the last one I have in stock.” Seriously, who could walk away after that?

New subject: I’ve belonged to many organizations and clubs over the years—charities, American ex-pat societies, special interest groups, the PTO. And one thing all these assemblages have in common is that they all have meetings; and during these meetings the powers in charge would like for attendees to pin or stick a name tag on to their front upper quadrant, which is understandable because name tags are a helpful tool when trying to navigate a populated meeting. 

This is the time of year when different organizations pull their people in to celebrate the holidays and their end-of-year successes. Last night we attended the annual Master Gardeners’ meeting, which is one of the many organizations David belongs to—and congratulations to him for being recognized for over a thousand hours of volunteer service at the community garden this year. We’ve been going to this event for five years, so I wasn’t walking into a room full of strangers. But there are always new people or returning people, so it makes sense that name tags were waiting at the sign-in table. 

However, just because I see a use for them doesn’t mean I like them. I’ve had delicate clothing pierced and ripped by name tags that pin on. And I’ve ended up with permanent rectangular discolorations on beloved silk from the stick-on tags. 

So, fearing that my sweater might suffer, I tried to sneak past the name tags; but the sweet-faced woman behind the table, wanting to do her job well, and wanting me to do things the right way, was smilingly and firmly insistent. Gazing around the room, I saw that every person who had entered before me was wearing a name tag. Not wanting to seem like an anti-social non-conformist bitch, I scribbled my name, pulled the tag from its backing, and pressed it above my left breast. 

There have been times when I was one of the powers. I remember one group where, because of my resolute disdain for pinned or stick-on nametags, we went to a great deal of trouble punching holes in cards and knotting yarn through the holes, so that people could hang the tags around their necks. And the women in their silks and finely woven knits were appreciative of the effort.

In the car on the way home, I tried to peel the name tag away from my sweater. It wouldn’t come off. All the fine mohair fibers were stuck, and pulling caused breakage and stretching. I’m going to take it to professionals later today to see if they can get it off without ripping the fragile threads. 

Why did I wear the sweater in the first place? To be honest, I gave it very little thought. I don’t think about what damage my clothing might incur before going out. It was appropriate for the occasion, and it looked good with my slim black pants and high-heeled boots. Still, I’m disappointed by this outcome. Also, a name tag is optional and pressing someone to wear one is just wrong. 

On the upside, one of the toughest things for a fiction writer to do is to come up with realistic names that suit the character and the area. So every time I go to an event where people’s names are listed in a program, I save the program and harvest the names. Because of the Master Gardeners’ meeting last night, I now have a new source of Texas names, which is pleasing—though losing a sweater and gaining names doesn’t seem like a fair trade-off. 

The sweater.

The damage.

The names.

Indian River in Marble Falls

Occasionally I like to showcase a local business that’s pleased me by offering great service, wonderful items, or excellent food—so let me introduce a lovely shop on Marble Falls that enchants me every time I walk through the door. 

On Main Street, Indian River is the kind of gift shop where, if you want to buy a gift, but you’re not gifted at gift-giving, well, it’s the place you go. Here’s what I found when I went inside: 

Art: local paintings and stained panes or painted glass items. 

Jewelry: handmade, native, or quirky. 

Fabric goods: clothing, trendy and comfortable; cuddly blankets, carpets and rag rugs, tablecloths and runners. 

For the house, necessity or decorative: elegant lazy Susans, pottery, dishes; and oh, the bowls that’re arranged on the first display you see when you enter are exquisite.

And every item is presented and lit so attractively that you’ll want to buy everything you see. There’s not a kitchen item, artsy knickknack, or length of fabric in the entire store that doesn’t draw the eye and that I wouldn’t enjoy having in my life. The prices are reasonable and every object I inspected was well-made, which makes me think that the owner, Rick Scrimshire, has an eye for quality and craftsmanship. 

Rick hails from Pampa, a town of about twenty thousand that’s an hour northeast of Amarillo, which is where I’m from. Pampa hosts tornados and an annual rodeo. The thing about the panhandle is that the land is flat, and the constant wind blows right across it with no barrier to slow it town. And the grit swirls and rises up to form dust devils; and this flying dirt forces its brown hue on everything—the fresh green of spring leaves, the red crests of fat cardinals, and the eye-stinging blue of the sky—so that the only true color is beige.

When I meet someone else from that part of Texas I’m always curious as to how northwest Texas formed them; and somehow this monochromatic background has brought us an inspired local business owner, Rick, who offers Marble Falls an aesthetically stunning, unique, and also conveniently located gift shop. 

So, Indian River. Check it out. 

Down on My Birthday

Today is my birthday. I usually love my birthday. I celebrate for the whole month. And I tell everybody I come across what day it is so they’ll have an opportunity to tell me that they’re glad I was born. I’ve been known to throw myself a party. But I haven’t felt like celebrating lately. For one thing, it turns out that someone I thought liked me doesn’t like me at all, which is always demoralizing. But this sort of revelation occurs, it happens to everyone, relationships are tricky, and blah, blah, blah—though knowing and believing these truisms doesn’t make it any less hurtful.

Also, the writing isn’t going well. In the last year-and-a-half I’ve completed two novels which I regard as my best work—family dramas with endearing characters and, of course, humor. And my agent’s trying to sell a quirky and charming mystery series which, if a publisher ever buys it, will most certainly take off. The problem is that what I’m currently working on isn’t any fun. Ordinarily, in my morning writing session, when I produce something that’s meaningful or evocative, or when I put words together in an imaginative or witty way, I get a surge of endorphins that puts me in a good mood that’ll last all day. But with this book I’m just not feeling it. I suppose I could drop it and start something that does inspire, but with no manuscripts selling, and nobody reading the stories that I write for the specific purpose of being enjoyed, what’s the point? This begs the most depressing question of all—have I fallen out of love with writing? 

So yeah, I’m feeling low and dwelling on morbid things like this: Both my parents had Alzheimer’s—my father began doing and saying inexplicable things when he was in his seventies; and my mother started showing signs of it in her late sixties which, frankly, isn’t that far off for me. Being closer to my mother than my father, I witnessed each step of her decline. At first she repeated herself—and the time between repeats grew steadily shorter until she said the same thing every fifteen seconds. One time she got it in her head to tell me, “This is the fattest you’ve ever been.” And she said it again and again and again. I couldn’t decide between screaming at her or crying. And she began to laugh when everyone else laughed, pretending that she knew what everyone was laughing about. She lost words every day—first the names of things, then the ability to voice her needs—until there simply were no more words left. Thinking that there might come a time when I can no longer play with words is scary as hell. And every so often I’ll forget the name of something. Or I’ll find myself in a room and wonder why I’m there. Also, I sometimes become disoriented. I worry about Alzheimer’s to the point of obsession. 

And why am I thinking about this crap today, when ordinarily I’d be dancing around the house singing Happy Birthday? I’m stopping it right now by putting something upbeat on my screen. 

I had a great conversation with my son, Sam, this morning. He and his wife, Julia, work and live in London. They just bought a flat in Greenwich, which we will get to see when we visit over the Christmas holidays. He told me a funny story about his job, which is that the people he works with are all named Sam—six or eight of them. And we discussed plans for David’s and my upcoming trip. I love Harrod’s and plan to spend a day there. Also, we’re going to the caroling at Royal Albert Hall, which I recall as being glorious. We’ll spend Christmas in Plymouth with Julia’s parents—so nice of them to invite us—and then do some sightseeing in Cornwall, home of two of my favorite literary writers, Daphne Du Maurier and Virginia Woolf. So there’s something to look forward to, and thinking about it has indeed made me feel better. 

Another uplifting thing is that, even when I’m feeling unappreciated and disheartened, people come through. I got a wonderful gift from a friend that I didn’t expect—and a surprise is always nice. And I’ve had many well-wishing texts, cards, emails, and phone calls to remind me that, in my life, I have people who do like me and who care enough to let me know it. So thanks, everyone, for giving me happy thoughts to hang on to when I’m feeling sad. 

The card I got from Curtis. Inside was a nice note and a gift card from a very nice spa, Milk and Honey—Yay! Will I have a facial or a massage?

Stuff Left Behind

A while back the beam at the apex of our ceiling slipped down several inches on one end. A chandelier was centrally mounted on the beam, and when the beam slipped the light fixture ripped from the dry wall of the ceiling, exposing the wires above. In fact, it looked like the wiring was all that was keeping the beam and the chandelier from crashing down. Furthermore, as the beam was lower on one side than the other, it seemed that if the thing slipped further and fell, considering the implied trajectory, it would take out the big window at the back of the house.  

All very precarious and a cause for alarm. 

David called a guy he knew through another guy he knew and explained the situation; and though the guy seemed indignant with David for calling it an emergency (“You’d be surprised how many people say they have an emergency when it simply isn’t an emergency!”) he said he’d be in the area that afternoon and he’d stop by and take a look. We were pleasantly surprised when he showed up. Bringing a tall enough ladder to reach the ceiling, he admitted that yes, this was an actual emergency. 

He climbed his ladder and screwed two-by-fours below both ends of the beam to stabilize the situation until his guys could get by later in the week and do a more permanent repair. Then he decided to leave the ladder for them to use when they came. 

The week went by, then the next week. No fix-it guys came. David left messages that weren’t returned. After about a month, David contacted the men he builds Habitat houses with and asked if, in exchange for a meal and copious amounts of beer (in other words, a party) they’d come take a stab at fixing the thing. They erected scaffolding in our back den and went right to work—and it’s mighty disconcerting seeing a bunch of seventy-year-olds balancing on a couple of narrow planks twenty feet in the air. They did an excellent job and we’re grateful. 

And we still have the first guy’s ladder. 

Along comes the next home repair. David and I attempted to redo our deck last year and we did an exceptionally shoddy job. So we hired someone to do it properly this year. The result is wonderful. All the mistakes we made last year have been smoothed away and the stain brings out the grain of the wood. 

On a personal note, I don’t like it when workmen are hanging around. David’s involved out in the community, and more often than not I’m the one who’s at home to deal with these people. Oh, they’re polite, respectful, friendly; but they’re also intrusive. For instance, a month or so ago David arranged for someone to come have a look at the in-ground watering system, which was skipping stations and flooding in some areas. The guy came, and though he’d agreed to call David and tell him what work would be needed and to give him an estimate, he insisted on taking me from sprinkler head to sprinkler head to listen to his analysis of each one; then he lectured about the workings of the control panel, the electronics, and the switches. As for me, in one ear and out the other. The plumbers, the lawn guys, the septic guy, the roofers, the propane guys, the air conditioner guys—someone’s always seeing to things around here and they all want me to pay attention to what they’re doing and how they’re doing it. 

Anyway, the deck. The crew was here for three days and they’re gone now. But they left a sander in our driveway. A sander! Not something we need or want, yet there it is, a blight that will have the neighbors knocking on our door with complaints if we don’t figure out what to do with it in the next few days. 

Service people leave things behind on a regular basis. The woman who measured for the blinds left her measuring tape sitting on the window sill—a nice one. Workers have left wrenches, hammers, nail guns, saws, work gloves, and screwdrivers. Don’t these people need these tools to do their jobs? Leaving my laptop somewhere and never retrieving it is something I’d never do. 

Also, we have enough stuff falling out of our garage without accumulating that of others.

We have a friend who often visited us in our various locations (good times) and after each visit she left something behind—her bathing suit, hiking shoes, a pair of earrings, the special spice she bought at the suq—and because these things were vital to her existence, I was inevitably requested to “send them on,” which isn’t a simple task in some countries. My thought about this was that she subconsciously wanted to make sure she was remembered when she was gone. I imagined her dropping possessions everywhere she went—a sweater here, a pair of sunglasses there—in the hope that, though she’d moved on, the memory of her would linger. 

I can’t imagine my “being remembered” theory would apply to all the service guys who’ve left their work accouterments at our house. On the other hand, we have all the tools we’ll ever need.

The sander, sandpaper next to it. Surely it’s of value to someone.

The ladder. It’s simply too big to fit in the garage so we’ve got it on the front porch.